Shadowland Read online

  I look at her, sensing this isn’t quite the whole story, but willing to take her at her word. “You know what? You’re right. You’re absolutely right,” I say, seeing her look up in surprise. “Everything is finite.” Everything but Roman, Damen, and me! “And you’re also right that you and Josh will probably end at some point, and not just because everything ends like you said, but because that’s just the way it goes. Most high school relationships don’t make it past graduation.”

  “Is that how you see you and Damen?” She picks at Charm’s blanket while looking at me. “That you guys won’t make it past grad night?”

  I press my lips together and avert my gaze, knowing I’m pretty much the world’s worst liar when I say, “I—I try not to think about it too much. But what I meant was, just because something ends doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing or that someone’s bound to get hurt, or that it should’ve never happened in the first place, or whatever. Because if each step brings us to the next, then how will we ever get anywhere, how can we ever grow if we avoid everything that might hurt us?”

  She looks at me, nodding only slightly, as though she sees my point but won’t fully concede.

  “So we pretty much have no choice but to continue, to just get out there and hope for the best. And who knows, we might even learn a thing or two along the way.” I look at her, knowing I haven’t completely sold it, so I add, “I guess what I’m trying to say is, you can’t run away just because something won’t last. You have to hang in there, let it play out. It’s the only way you’ll ever advance.” I shrug, wishing I could be a little more eloquent, but there it is. “Think about it, if you didn’t rescue your cat, if you didn’t say yes when Josh asked you out—well, there’s a lot of wonderful moments you would’ve missed.”

  She looks at me, still wanting to argue, but not saying a word.

  “Josh is a really sweet guy, and he’s crazy about you. I don’t think you should throw him overboard so soon. Besides,” I say, knowing she hears me but is not truly listening, “you shouldn’t make those kinds of decisions when you’re feeling so stressed.”

  “How about moving, then? Is that a good enough reason?”

  “Josh is moving?” I squint. I hadn’t seen that coming.

  She shakes her head, scratching Charm on the spot between her ears when she says, “Not Josh. Me. My dad keeps talking about selling the house, but damn if he’ll discuss it with Austin or me.”

  I look at her, tempted to peer inside her head and see for myself, but sticking to my earlier vow to allow my friends their privacy.

  “All I know for sure is that the phrase resale value comes up all the time.” She shakes her head, looking at me when she says, “But you know what this really means, if any of this is actually true? It means I won’t be going to Bay View next year. I won’t get to graduate with my class. I won’t be going to any Orange County high school for that matter.”

  “I won’t let this happen,” I say, gaze locked on hers. “There’s no way you’re leaving. You have to graduate with us—”

  “Well, that’s very nice and all.” She shrugs. “But I’m not sure you can stop it. It’s a little out of your league, don’t you think?”

  I glance between her and her cat, knowing it’s not at all out of my league. Finding an antidote for Damen? Maybe. Helping my best friend stay in her zip code and save her cat? Not so much. There’s plenty I can do. Plenty. But still I just look at her and say, “We’ll work something out. Just trust me, okay? Maybe you can move in here with me and Sabine?” Nodding as though I mean it, even though Sabine would never have it. But still needing to put something out there, provide some kind of comfort since it’s not like I can voice what I’m hoping to do.

  “You’d do that?” she squints. “Really?”

  “Of course.” I shrug. “Whatever it takes.”

  She swallows hard and gazes around, shaking her head when she says, “You know I’d never take you up on it, but still, it’s nice to know that even with all our rough spots you’re still my best friend.”

  I squint, having always assumed it was Miles not me.

  “Well, you and Miles.” She laughs. “I mean, I can have two best friends—an heir and a spare, as they say?” She wipes her nose again, shaking her head when she adds, “I bet I look like crap, right? Go ahead, tell me, I can take it.”

  “You don’t look like crap,” I say, wondering why she’s suddenly focused on her looks. “You look sad. There’s a difference. Besides, does it matter?”

  “It does if you’re considering whether or not you should hire me.” She shrugs. “I’ve got a job interview, but there’s no way I can go looking like this. And it’s not like I can bring Charm.”

  I gaze at her cat, watching the life-force energy slowly slipping away, knowing I have to move fast, before it’s too late. “I’ll keep her. It’s not like I’m going anywhere anyway.”

  She looks at me, wavering on whether or not she should leave her poor dying cat in my care. But I just nod, coming around to her side of the counter and lifting Charm out of her arms as I add, “Seriously. Just go do what you need to do, and I’ll babysit.” I smile, urging her to agree.

  She hesitates, glancing between me and Charm, then rummages through her oversized bag for a small, handheld mirror, before wetting her finger and clearing the mascara tracks from her cheeks.

  “I shouldn’t be long.” She grabs a black pencil and draws a thick, smudgy line around each eye. “Maybe an hour? Two at the most?” She looks at me, trading the pencil for blush. “All you have to do is hold her and give her some water if she wants. But she probably won’t. She doesn’t want much of anything now.” She coats her lips with a swipe of gloss and rearranges her bangs, before slinging her bag over her shoulder and heading for the door. Climbing into her car as she turns to me and says, “Thanks. I need this job more than you think. Need to start saving some money so I can emancipate myself like Damen. I’m tired of this crap.”

  I look at her, unsure what to say. Damen’s situation’s unique. Not at all what it seems.

  “And yeah, I know, I probably won’t be able to support myself in quite the same style as Damen, but still, I’d rather live in some crappy studio somewhere than be subject to my parents’ impulsive decisions and whims. Anyway, you sure you’re okay with this?”

  I nod, hugging Charm tighter, mentally urging her to hold on, just a little bit longer, until I can help.

  Haven slides her key into the ignition, the engine turning as she says, “I promised Roman I wouldn’t be late. And if I hurry, I might be on time.” Checking her appearance in the rearview mirror as she shifts in reverse.

  “Roman?” I freeze, my expression one of pure panic but unable to change it.

  She shrugs, backing out of my drive as she calls, “He’s the one who scored me the interview.” Waving as she disappears down the street, leaving me with a dying cat in my arms, and no words to warn her.

  eighteen

  “You can’t do it,” he says, barely having opened the door before he’s already shaking his head.

  “You don’t even know what I’m here for.” I frown, hugging Charm tightly to my chest, wishing I hadn’t come here.

  “The cat is dying and you want to know if it’s okay to save it and I’m telling you it’s not. You can’t do it.” He shrugs, reading the situation more than my mind, which I purposely blocked so he can’t view my visit to Roman, which would really set him on edge.

  “Do you mean can’t as in not possible? Like the elixir won’t work on a feline? Or can’t as in the moral sense, as in don’t play God, Ever?”

  “Does it matter?” He lifts his brow, stepping to the side and allowing me in.

  “Of course it matters,” I whisper, TV noise drifting down from upstairs, the twins’ daily dose of reality shows.

  He heads into the den, plopping onto the couch and patting the space right beside him. And even though I’m annoyed by the way he’s acting, not even giving me a chanc
e to explain, I still join him, rearranging the blanket, hoping one look at Charm will convince him.

  “I just don’t think you should jump to conclusions,” I say, shifting my body so I’m facing him. “It’s not as simple as you think. It’s not black or white, it’s mostly all gray.”

  He leans toward me, gaze softening as he moves his thumb back and forth under Charm’s whiskered chin. “I’m sorry, Ever. Really.” He gazes at me before pulling away. “But even if the elixir did work—which, by the way, I’m not sure it would since I’ve never tried it on an animal before, but even if it did—”

  “Really?” I look at him, surprised to hear that. “You’ve never had a pet you couldn’t bear to part with?” My eyes graze over him, taking him in.

  “Not one that I couldn’t bear to lose, no.” He shakes his head.

  I narrow my eyes, not sure how I feel about that.

  “Ever, back in my day we didn’t keep pets in quite the same way. And after I drank the elixir, I wasn’t interested in owning anything that might tie me down.”

  I nod, catching the way he gazes at Charm and hoping there’s room to negotiate. “Fine. No pets. I get it,” I say. “But do you get how someone might become so attached to their kitty they can’t bear to say good-bye?”

  “Are you asking if I know about attachment?” He looks at me, gaze heavy, steady, fixed right on mine. “About love, and the unbearable grief that comes when it’s lost?”

  I gaze down at my lap, feeling juvenile, foolish. I should’ve seen that coming.

  “There’s much more at stake than just saving a cat or granting eternal life—if there even is such a thing in the animal kingdom. The real question is, how will you explain it to Haven? What will you tell her when she returns only to find the dying cat she left in your care is now miraculously cured—maybe even becoming a kitten again, who knows? How will you possibly explain that to her?”

  I sigh, not having thought about that. Hadn’t really considered that if it does work, Charm won’t just be healed, but physically transformed.

  “It’s not about it not working—I’ve no clue about that. And it’s not about your right to play God—you and I both know I’m the last one who should judge such a thing. It’s more about safeguarding our secrets. And while I know you have only the best intentions at heart, in the end, helping your friend will only ignite her suspicion. Raising questions that can never be answered simply or logically without revealing too much. Besides, Haven’s already onto us, or onto something at least. So now, more than ever, it’s important for us to lay low.”

  I press my lips together, swallowing past the lump in my throat, hating that I’ve got so many amazing tools at my disposal, all of these magical abilities, but unable to use them, to help those whom I love.

  “I’m sorry,” he says, hand hovering over my arm, hesitating to make contact until the veil comes along. “But as sad as it seems, it really is just the natural course of events. And believe me, animals accept these things far better than people do.”

  I lean into his shoulder, into his touch, amazed by his power to comfort me no matter how bad things get. “I just feel so bad for her—her parents are always fighting—she might have to move—it’s making her question the point of everything. Kind of like I did when my world fell apart.”

  “Ever—” he starts, gaze soft, lips looming so close I can’t help but press mine against them—the moment cut short when the twins squeal their way down the stairs.

  “Damen—Romy won’t let me—” Rayne stops, standing before us, dark eyes wider than usual when she says, “Omigod is that a cat?”

  I glance at Damen. Since when does Rayne use words like “omigod”?

  But he just shakes his head and laughs. “Don’t get too close.” He glances between them. “And keep your voice down. This is a very sick cat. I’m afraid she doesn’t have very long.”

  “Then why don’t you save it?” Rayne asks, prompting Romy to nod in agreement, the three of us gazing at Damen, our eyes wide and pleading.

  “Because we don’t do things like that,” he says, voice stern and parental. “That’s not how it’s done.”

  “But you saved Ever, and she’s not nearly as cute,” Rayne says, kneeling before me ’til her face is level with Charm’s.

  “Rayne—” Damen starts.

  But she just laughs, glancing between us when she says, “Just joking. You know I’m joking, right?”

  I look at her, knowing she’s not, but not willing to press it. Just about to get up, wanting to get Charm back before Haven returns, when Romy kneels down beside me and places her hand on Charm’s head, closing her eyes as she chants a series of indecipherable words.

  “No magick,” Damen scolds. “Not in this case.”

  But Romy just sighs, and sits back on her heels. “It’s not like it works anyway,” she says, still gazing at Charm. “She looks just like Jinx at that age, doesn’t she?”

  “Which time?” Rayne giggles, nudging her sister as they both start to laugh.

  “We may have extended her life a few times,” Romy says, cheeks pink as she glances between us, prompting me to look at Damen and think: See?

  But he just shakes his head. Again—Haven?

  “Can we get a cat?” Romy asks. “A black kitty like this?” Tugging on his sleeve while gazing at him in a way that’s hard to resist. “They’re wonderful companions and very good around the house. What do you say? Can we? Please?”

  “It’ll help us get our magick back,” Rayne adds, nodding at him.

  I look at Damen, reading his expression and knowing it’s as good as done. Whatever the twins want, the twins get. It’s as simple as that.

  “We’ll discuss it later,” Damen says, attempting a stern look, but the gesture’s empty, everyone knows it but him.

  I get up from the couch and head for the door, needing to get Charm back to the house before Haven returns.

  “Are you upset with me?” Damen grasps my hand and leads me to my car.

  I shake my head and smile. It’s impossible to be mad at him, or at least not for very long. “I’m not gonna lie, I was hoping you’d be on my side.” I shrug, coaxing Charm into her carrier, before leaning against the door and pulling him close. “But it’s not like I don’t get your point. I just wanted to help Haven, that’s all.”

  “Just be there for her.” He nods, dark gaze on mine. “That’s all she really wants from you anyway.”

  He leans in to kiss me, gathering me into his arms, his hands moving over me and warming me to my core. Pulling away to gaze at me with those deep soulful eyes, the rock to my feather, my eternal partner, whose intentions are so solid and good I can only hope he never learns of my betrayal, reneging on my promise not to visit Roman just after saying I wouldn’t.

  He cups my face between the palms of his hands and peers into my eyes. Sensing my mood shifts so easily it’s as though they are his.

  I avert my gaze, thinking about Haven, Roman, the cat, and all the mounting mistakes I can’t seem to stop making. Then clearing the thoughts and shaking my head, unwilling to visit that place when I say, “See you tomorrow?” Barely finishing the words before he leans in to kiss me again, a slip of energy pulsating between his lips and mine.

  Holding the moment for as long as we can, neither of us willing to break away, until a twin chorus of, “Ew! Gross! Do we really have to watch that?” trails from the window upstairs.

  “Tomorrow.” Damen smiles, seeing me safely into my car before heading inside.

  nineteen

  Everything started out fine. As fine and normal as any other day. I woke up, showered, dressed, stopped by the kitchen to toss some cereal down the sink before chasing it with some OJ I’d swished in a glass—my usual morning routine so Sabine will think I ate the breakfast she made.

  Nodding and smiling the whole way to school as Miles yammers on and on about Holt, or Florence, or Holt and Florence, as I sit there beside him, stopping, turning, speeding, slo
wing, chasing yellow lights, waiting for the moment when I can see Damen again. Knowing the mere sight of him will turn all darkness to light, even if the effect is just temporary.

  But the moment I pull into the lot the first thing I see is a mammoth-sized SUV parked right next to the space Damen’s saving for me. And I mean mammoth, as in: big and ugly. And something about the sight of Damen leaning against that whale of a car fills me with dread.

  “What the hell?” Miles gapes. “You give up riding the bus so you can drive a bus instead?”

  I climb out of my Miata, glancing between Big Ugly and Damen, hardly believing my ears when he starts quoting a slew of statistics about its superb safety rating and roomy back seats. I mean, I don’t remember him ever once caring about the safety rating when he was chauffeuring me.

  That’s because you’re immortal, he thinks, sensing my thoughts as we head for the gate. But may I remind you, the twins are not, and since they are now in my care, it’s my job to keep them from harm.

  I shake my head, gaze narrowed as I try to think of a snappy reply. My thoughts interrupted by Haven who says, “You’re doing it again.” She crosses her arms and glances between us. “You know, your whole, weird, pseudo telepathy thing.”

  “Who even cares about that?” Miles screeches. “Damen’s driving a bus!” He hooks his thumb over his shoulder, jabbing toward the big, black monstrosity and wincing at the sight of it.

  “Is it a bus or a mom car?” Haven squints, shielding her eyes from the sun. Glancing at each of us. “Whatever it is, one thing’s for sure, it’s tragically middle-aged.”

  Miles nods, fully warmed up to the subject now. “First the glove and now this?” He frowns at Damen, disappointment clouding his face. “I have no idea what you’re up to, but dude, you are seriously losing your edge. You’re not even close to the rock star you were when you first came to this school.”